And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
