I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
