ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
