my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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