yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
