Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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