I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
