my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You need a sexual gate keeper
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
