First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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