Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
