According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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