And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
