I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
