Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
