It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
