im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
