I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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