Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
