The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
