Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
