my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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