he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How external is "for external use only"?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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