So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
