Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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