I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
