Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
