i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
