he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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