i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
