what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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