Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
