The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
