Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
