So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
