It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Randomize
