so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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