If i come over, it means nothing
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
