Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
