At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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