I think im going to throw up on grandma
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
