Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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