there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
