if you like me you must not know who I am
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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