You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
