really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
