You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
