Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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