I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
