Got a toothbrush?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
