She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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