i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
