You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
