I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
