why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize