I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
