'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize