Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
