while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
