FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
