stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
