So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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