I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
