he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
