Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
