Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
