My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
