I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
