Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
