There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
