I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
