12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
