I'm lost and stupid without you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
